Pieces of my Broken Heart
by Sweetie813
Summary: AU. Kurt and Blaine are childhood best friends. After Blaine gets beat up at the Sadie Hawkins dance he leaves without a trace. 4 years later, this happens. Blaine & Kurt same age. T for some cursing.
1. Chapter 1

Kurt and Blaine are childhood best friends. After Blaine gets beat up at the Sadie Hawkins dance he leaves without a trace. 4 years later, this happens.

**Pieces of my Broken Heart**

_Tuesday September 6, 2011_

Dear Journal,

I don't know where else to put my thoughts. I'm going to write some facts about myself so when I read this, years from now I know where I was. I'm currently 18 and a senior at McKinley High. These past three years have been the roughest years that I have ever known. Every day I have been tortured by one or more of the following: Slushies, dumpster tosses, port-a-potty tip over's, locker shoves, verbal slurs, tripping, locker broken into, public humiliation and more. I've stood strong, and it's all in retaliation against one person.

**Blaine Anderson**

Blaine was my best friend back in Middle School, or should I say my only friend. We did everything together. We were the only two gays in the school that we knew of, and tolerated all of the slurs and slushies together. Slowly but surely I developed a crush on him. How could I not? He was my rock. But of course, I never told him.

Our annual Sadie Hawkins dance was coming up and I had finally developed the courage to ask him to the dance when he came bursting up to me telling me he asked his crush Andrew to the dance.

My heart sank and I ended up not going to the dance at all that night despite his protests of him wanting his best friend there. The thought of watching the guy I loved dance in the arms of some other guy that he liked made my heart rip a little.

Long story short, Andrew ended up playing Blaine. Andrew, along with all of his friends beat the crap out of Blaine behind the school, and left him there to die. He was found an hour later by a janitor and taken to the hospital.

I blame myself for not being there. No one else noticed that he was missing because his best friend, me, wasn't there.

His parents wouldn't let me see him, claiming that because I was an out and proud gay teen, and their son was not gay it was all my fault that he was this way. (He had never told his parents that he was gay) Blaine regained consciousness after about a week, and was discharged three days later. I waited until then to try calling his house, but I got a number has been disconnected message. I walked over to his house to find it all dark and a sold sign on the front lawn.

He had just left without even a word of goodbye. I found out later that he ended up running to a fancy rich school two hours away called Dalton. When I had turned 16 and was able to drive, I drove out there a few times and sat outside of the school wanting to go in and show him the bruises that I have and the bloodshot eyes that I have because of nightmares that plague my sleep because of the bullies. There he sat safe and sound, not being bullied because of a no bullying policy while I fought every single day of my life to stay alive and not let them break me like they did to Blaine. And like Blaine did to me.

Freshman year I spent it in a slump after losing my best friend. I wouldn't let anyone get close to me, and therefore I have no friends now. I was asked to join New Directions freshman year but all my heart wanted to do was sing sappy sad songs, and I didn't want to bring the group down so I refused. When letting out frustration in the gym in the form of flips the cheerleading coach threw a uniform at me and said I was in, but I threw it back at her. She now respects me for some odd reason.

I built this shell around myself and brought my way up to valedictorian of the class. I spend all my extra time studying, and working at the shop with my dad. Life was manageable, but now all of that is threatening to be squashed because **he** is back.

That's right Blaine Anderson is back.

And he doesn't remember me.

_Kurt Hummel_

* * *

_Wednesday September 7, 2011_

Dear Journal,

He saw me again today in the hallway and he just kept looking away.

Why is he back? He ran from the bullies, and didn't take me with him. He didn't warn me. He left me on my own to face every single bully in the school with no one to help me. He left me broken hearted, and in a deep pit of despair.

I wonder if he's ashamed of what he did and that's why he won't talk to me.

Maybe it's better that he doesn't talk to me – I would probably punch him in the face.

_Kurt Hummel_

* * *

_Friday September 9, 2011_

Dear Journal,

We have Science together. Oh why do we have science together?

I always sit in the back of the classroom. No teacher complains because my work is always flawless that way. (The bullies can't turn around and harass me as easily like they can if they are behind me) The teacher called roll and of course his name was first. Charming smile, crazy hair slicked back to perfection, bow tie perfectly placed upon his neck. Absolutely gorgeous.

I could see the way he froze when my name was called – almost as if he expected me to be dead. He never turned around but he did bolt out of the classroom after class.

I didn't see him for the rest of the day.

Good.

_Kurt Hummel_

* * *

_Friday September 16, 2011_

Dear Journal,

Sorry it's been a while since I've written in you. Last Saturday while at work my dad had another heart attack. Luckily I was there and it wasn't too horrible this time. He never fell unconscious. I was however out of school until Wednesday to ensure that he was okay.

With me being out of school so early in the year, I never got the opportunity to tell my science teacher I would prefer not to have a lab partner, therefore alleviating the rare occurrence of an odd numbered class and a trio of a group. Some girl named Rachel, ironically the same one that invited me to glee club, was the one who chose to work alone with the option to join a group if she gets stuck. So, who is my lab partner you might ask?

The one and only Blaine Anderson.

This is going to be a long year.

_Kurt Hummel_

* * *

_Monday September 19, 2011_

Dear Journal,

I hate him. He thinks that he can just ask how I've been as if we were still good friends. No you jerk! You left me alone with no friends without a word from you. I gave him a dirty look and ignored him for the rest of the period.

I had tried talking to my teacher about working alone but she claimed I'm the best in the class and he's new. He went to a fancy prep school; he probably did this back in freshman year!

For our lab today I worked by myself despite what my teacher said. I ignored him completely. He was fine on his own. At least he was until the Bunsen burner tipped over and almost burned my shirt. I gave him another dirty glare for that. As soon as I was finished I turned mine in (almost twenty minutes ahead of schedule) and left, claiming Blaine was a slow writer.

Maybe I can get away with this all the time.

_Kurt Hummel_

* * *

_Friday September 23, 2011_

Dear Journal,

I found out that Blaine joined Glee Club. It was something that both of us were excited for when we hit freshman year, we were both going to join (also part of the reason I never did).

I feel so left behind. I know he's tried talking to me and I've ignored him but it's not like he actually tried to apologize it's as if he wants to act that it never happened. I'm sorry, I would like an explanation before we even begin to talk to each other civilly.

Luckily our next lab isn't for another month.

_Kurt Hummel_

* * *

_Friday September 30, 2011_

Dear Journal,

I joined the Cheerios. I don't know why.

That's a lie.

I was walking down the hallway after school ready to go home and I see that **he** is in front of my locker. I had raised my eyebrow as if to ask what he was doing there when he asked me to join Glee with him.

For the first time I talked to him in four years, I said "No." and headed towards the gym. That's where Coach Sylvester found me tumbling before her cheerios practice. She threw another uniform at me and this time I kept it.

I talked with her after practice and she wants to use my voice as her secret weapon to win nationals. But first I have to survive the pep rally next Friday.

Luckily the song she wants is a song that applies to my life right now, and I can't wait to finally sing it. **To him.**

_Kurt Hummel_

* * *

_Monday October 3, 2011_

Dear Journal,

**His** face was priceless when he saw me in a cheerios uniform this morning. I can't even describe it. It was like appalling, scandalized, and insulted all thrown into one look. Good. At least with the uniform no one dares touch me or face the wrath of Sylvester. Maybe I should have joined freshman year.

I still don't talk to the other cheerleaders, including the few males that we do have on the squad. I want to prove that I'm okay to him, but at the same time I don't want to open myself up again like that.

Wait. Why do I care about what he thinks? I just need to stop thinking about him.

Practice is really making me sore, but at the same time more lean and fit than I was and it's only been four days.

I need a hot shower.

_Kurt Hummel_

* * *

_Friday October 7, 2011_

Dear Journal,

I did it. I sang my song and watched as he walked out of the gym halfway through the performance. I mean, I sang it right to him.

Here are some of the lyrics.

_Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did  
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid  
I'm still standing after all this time  
Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind_

Even though to me, it's all a lie – I don't feel like a little kid, to him it made him feel like complete shit.

Welcome to my life.

_Kurt Hummel_

* * *

_Saturday October 8, 2011_

Dear Journal,

He wrote me a letter and left it in my mailbox.

_Dear Kurt, _

_This is probably going to be the hardest thing that I ever write, so I can only hope that you continue reading this._

_I know you hate me. I would hate me too. I left without a single goodbye, a word, a message or anything to explain my actions. The truth is though, that I had no choice. _

_My parents had shut off our home phone number leaving only their cell phones to make calls. The phones never left their sides so I could never have an opportunity to call you. _

_I so wanted to write to you, but I knew that would only hurt more. You would never be able to write back – all my mail was screened. I did write you a letter, but could never have the opportunity to send it with being watched like a hawk. When I finally did have an opportunity, it was 6 months after the last time I saw you, and I figured you were upset at me and never wanted to talk to me again. So I let it be._

_I never thought I would see you again. I worried every day about what the bullies were doing to you, and if you would ever try to take your own life because of it. I hoped so many times that whenever the Dalton Academy Warblers, the school that I ended up going to, their show choir would face McKinley's New Directions I would always look for your face, only to be disappointed not to see you._

_When I got my drivers license, I used to drive to McKinley to look for you in the crowds of people only to never find you. I've finally figured out why. You've changed so much Kurt, that the first time I saw you I didn't recognize you. After you completely ignored me during our lab that day, I felt horrible that I never sent that letter, and even worse when you sang that song at the pep rally yesterday. _

_I'm sorry that I left you feeling that way Kurt. It was never my intention. I just didn't see how we could remain friends if we had no means of communication. _

_I would really like to talk to you. Tomorrow, Lima Bean at 2pm? If I don't see you, I'll understand._

_I really hope you come tomorrow. _

_Blaine. _

I don't want to go, but I do want to go. I don't want pity. I don't want him to know that I never made a friend because I was scared to let him in. I don't want him to know that I loved him…that I still love him after all this time. I don't even want to go back to school Monday.

I'll see what I do.

_Kurt Hummel_

* * *

_Sunday October 9, 2011_

Dear Journal,

I didn't go.

* * *

Greetings everyone. I do plan on continuing this, but I wanted to see your reaction to this first. I'm still debating about how to do this. Thoughts? Ideas? Let me know, I would love to hear them!

Song & title of this story is from the Glee version of Elton John's "_I'm Still Standing"_

Vickii


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry for the long delay. I just graduated from Penn State on Sunday and the end of the year was a killer! Without further ado, here we go! Enjoy!

* * *

_Sunday October 9, 2011_

Dear Journal,

I didn't go.

I didn't know what to say. Part of me wants to forgive him and be friends again, and the other part wants to yell, kick and scream at him. Until I have sorted this out, I don't want to do either for fear of changing later.

I do have a plan though.

_Kurt Hummel_

* * *

_Monday October 10, 2011_

Dear Journal,

Blaine's eyes were red and puffy this morning, and it looked like he hadn't slept at all. I knew that I had caused that. It hurt me more than I ever thought would be possible but then I remembered – I looked _exactly_ the same four years ago when he left me.

Still, he didn't have to see me when that happened. Now I have to see him.

I couldn't stay to look at him. I went to the nurse and feigned sickness after dropping off my letter back.

_Dear Blaine, _

_I hope you understand why I didn't come to meet you yesterday after you read this. _

_My body, heart, and mind all want different things. My brain is screaming at me to forgive you, my body is telling me to yell and beat the crap out of you, and my heart is telling me to love you. _

_You never knew it Blaine, but that day when you came up to me about taking Andrew to the dance I was going to ask you. That's why I didn't go. To see you in the arms of another guy when I so longed to be in your arms…I couldn't bear to think about it let alone see it._

_I was in love with you, and you left without a trace. I wish you had sent the letter; at least it would have given me closure. But hindsight is a funny thing isn't it? _

_I had found out that you went to Dalton shortly after you left through Facebook. When I turned 16, I used to drive to Dalton and sit in your parking lot and look for you, but never could find you. Although now I know you were probably looking for me too. _

_I don't want to say that I will never forgive you, because I know that my heart won't let me do that. As it stands right now I can't trust myself to be in your company without hurting you anymore._

_I will say this though. The way that you are feeling right now because I did not come yesterday – it's exactly how I felt when you left._

_If you haven't noticed – I don't talk to anyone. I have no friends. I am completely alone. You were my rock and my best friend - a person that I trusted as much as my father. If someone that I trusted that much left me, why would I trust anyone ever again? _

_Despite how I felt when you left, and the residual hurt I felt for weeks, even years after – I do still love you. _

_I think right now, the best thing to do is to prove to me that you care, and won't drop me like another hot potato two years down the line. I know I wouldn't be able to survive that._

_Prove it to me, and I'll consider it._

_Kurt_

* * *

_Tuesday October 11, 2011_

Dear Journal,

Today has been interesting to say the least. I walked to my locker straight away and inside I found a little white plush dog with a collar around its neck saying "I'm sorry".

My heart fell to my stomach and started to flutter. Blaine was really taking my note seriously. However, one small gesture couldn't get me to forgive him; although I did keep the dog in my bag the rest of the day.

In science class I found a large box of ferrero rocher chocolates, my favorite chocolate of all time. Blaine just gave me a smile before going back to work.

During lunch I got a delivery of a dozen red roses, there was no note, but I didn't need one I knew who they were from.

This one made my stomach turn. **Red roses.** Everyone knows the significance of them, why would he send me those and not yellow for friendship?

I went to go retrieve my car keys from my locker so I could put away my roses, and I found a note on my locker telling me to go to the auditorium after school.

Here I sit in my car, writing this wondering what he wants to say. I'm nervous, excited, and scared. But it's time to face the music.

_Kurt Hummel_

* * *

I walked into the auditorium to find Blaine sitting on the edge of the stage, looking at his dangling feet. I shut the door as quietly as possible and started walking towards Blaine. When I reached the first row of chairs I quietly called out his name.

Blaine looked up and stared at me with amazement in his eyes, like he couldn't believe I was here. "Kurt." he started. "You came."

"I couldn't say no a second time. I believe we do need to talk it out, no matter what the end result may be."

Blaine nodded in agreement. We stood and looked at each other, uncertain about how to start this conversation. "So Blaine," I said finally, "you called me in here, what did you want to say?"

He nodded again and took a deep breath before starting. "Kurt, I had no idea how you felt about me, probably because I was too busy worrying about hiding my own feelings towards you."

I gasped. I knew that I had gotten red roses from this boy, but never did I imagine it was on purpose, perhaps by mistake in trying to shower me with nice gifts.

"But…Andrew" I started.

"Andrew was a cover up for you. Everything I ever said about Andrew was exactly the way I felt about you. If I knew that he would lead to me never seeing my best friend and man I love ever again, I would have never even spoken to him."

Blaine looked down at his shoes. "I know it's too little too late. Like you said, hindsight is a funny thing. I wish I had sent that letter, or sent a message on Facebook or something. I am truly sorry that you life has been horrible since I left. While I know that you said that you love me first, and I know that I love you, I don't want to jump right into dating or anything, because our years apart have changed us, and I want us to be at least friends first.

Consider it courtship if you want; go out for coffee, dinner, movies whatever you want, and it would be playing catch up. If we decide that we still love each other after we have caught each other up on our lives, we can move on from there. If we decide differently I would hope that we could at least remain friends."

I was speechless. It is everything that I ever wanted from a boy, and here it was coming out of the man I loves mouth. As much as I wanted to say screw the friendship first and run up and kiss him, I knew he was right. I have no idea about what had happened these past few years, and I wanted to know first.

"I think that sounds like a terrific plan" with a genuine smile finally placed on my lips.

I reached out to grab Blaine's hand, and hand in hand we strolled out into the McKinley parking lot.

* * *

_Friday November 11, 2011_

Dear Journal,

It has been a month since me and Blaine decided to be friends again. That very day we went to the Lima Bean and over cups of coffee we shared what has happened to us. We laughed, cried, got pissed off and more. We stayed until our stomachs growled where we moved our meeting to Breadstix.

Blaine paid for the entire evening - despite my numerous attempts at paying for something.

Since then we text constantly, call each other nightly, go out for coffee at least a few times a week as well.

I quit the cheerios and joined New Directions with Blaine. As much as I loved the lead vocals that the cheerios gave me, the loving family that New Directions had made me feel more welcomed than any of my other years at school.

Today though I found more love. Throughout the day I had random people handing me roses, from cheerios, glee members and some other neutral students. The last one (the 11th one) came from Rachel, and it had a note on it to meet in the auditorium after school.

Déjà vu much?

I found Blaine, sitting in the same spot, only this time he was looking at one more red rose. I walked up to him again, but this time he sensed my presence, and as soon as I was close enough he handed me the rose. This too had a not attached.

'_I still love you. Love me back?'_

I stared in awe at it for a moment. The past month has been the best time in my life since before Blaine left me. I realized then that the years apart didn't matter, that we still were meant for each other.

I looked up to see the worry in Blaine's eyes, and the fear of rejection.

I put that to rest I believe when I kissed him.

_Kurt Hummel_

* * *

That's it guys! Hope you enjoyed it. Let me know if you did!

Follow me on tumblr if you want, and drop off some fic ideas. I got the summer off and I'm bored. Check my profile for the link.

Until next time!

Vickii


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